Trials and Tribulations

Day 20 is all about the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.

This one is a no brainer for me. I know a few of you know about this, but maybe some of you don't. Either way, here goes nothing.

I did not have the best life growing up. My Mom wasn't around as much as she should have been. My father was non existent. My brother and I hated each other up until a few years ago. I really had nobody but myself.

I didn't hang out with the best of people. Not that they are bad people, but probably not the best friends I could have chosen. I did great in school up until about my 9th grade year. I started slacking off and wanting to go out with my friends. I tried smoking pot (oh, the horror), I got into drinking. I met someone when I was 15. He was older then me. Old enough to no better, but what did I care. I looked older, he looked younger... everything worked out well... Well, until December 31st, 1996.

I found out I was pregnant with my oldest son Chad. I was ONLY 16 years old. I had no idea what I was going to do. Or even how to tell my mom. I was not with the older guy anymore. In fact, I had a really great boyfriend and had just started to get my head in gear for finishing high school, going to college and all that fun stuff.

My biggest worry was how I was going to tell my Mom. We had known someone that I had always rolled my eyes at who had 3 kids by the time she was 17. I did not want to end up like her. I usually just laughed when her name was brought up. She was only a year older then me, had dropped out of school, had 3 kids and was on Welfare. In my mind, I was scared to death I was going to end up like her.

I didn't have to tell my Mom. I got home one night and she was waiting for me in the kitchen. A "friends" Mom had called my mom and told her how old my "ex boyfriend was" and told her that she heard I was pregnant. My mom flat out asked me... I just nodded my head. We both cried and she left the house. I did not see her for 2 days after that.

There was a lot of back and forth on what we were going to do. Keep the baby, give the baby up for adoption, abort the baby. I decided to keep him. My boyfriend at the time wanted to stand by me and tell everyone that Chad was his. He loved me a lot. But stupid me, went back to my ex.

My son was born in July. I had to live on my own. I did not want to be a statistic. I went to school all day like any normal High School Junior, but then I had to work 8 hours at night. I never saw my son. He was either at daycare so I could go to school, or was a my grandparents house so that I could work. Obviously his father and I did not work out, because lets face it, how often does that happen. I was alone. This went on for two years until I graduated high school.

The day I got my diploma was the best day of my life. Not only because I know I worked my butt off with having a baby and paying all my bills and my own rent with NO welfare assistance, but I graduated in the top 50 of my class. I was so proud of myself for being able to turn my life around.

Anyways, that was by far the hardest thing I've EVER had to go through in my life.