Friday, September 17, 2010

I've joined the 360 month club

.. and I am not afraid to admit it :-)

So, 2 days ago I turned 360 months old (doesn't that sound more fun then saying the big 3-0). I am actually happy to say that I am now that old! I remember being 12 thinking 30 was old, haha! Boy was I wrong. I think life just begins at the age of 360 months.

The day was pretty good! I went out to lunch with one of my AZ BFF (and our boys also went and they are even better bffs). Here is a pic

Then my husband took me to dinner. I was still full from lunch, but it was nice to get out with my boys. We don't do this very often anymore. The day was pretty low key. I got William some 'melmo' slippers which he loves and refuses to take off. It's 107 outside and he's running around in them.

Next week, my friend KK is flying in from NY to celebrate with me. My IL's are also flying in, and they are taking the kids to a hotel so we can ring in 360 months, in style! All my ladies are going to be here, as well as a couple guys to keep my husband entertained. We're having a chic margarita styled party! Exciting. We've rented one of those super industrial sized margarita machines, we're going to have margarita cupcakes and lots of food. Oh and margaritas! I'll hopefully post pics after that is over

I'll leave you with two of my favorite quotes about turning 30....

"When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents." - Blair Sabol

"30 is the new 20, unless your 20, then it's the new 40." - Dane Peddigrew

Friday, September 10, 2010

Day 6 ~ It's not on my to-do list, thats for sure

There are many things I would imagine that someone would not want to do in their life time. I can think of a million things that I would never want to do.

Day 06 on the 30 day challenge asks, what is something you hope you never have to do.

Easy enough. I hope I NEVER EVER have to say goodbye to one of my four boys. Parents should never live longer then their children. EVER! It should be law or something. I know that accidents happen but still. A child (even at 40 is still a child if Momma is around) should never go first.

So I hope that is something I will never ever have to do in my life time! Morbid huh?

Thursday, September 9, 2010

A McDonalds vent..

I'll start off by saying I don't give this to my son often. I know it's not the greatest food out there, but we do give it to the boys once in a while. Does this make me a bad mom, who knows.. but I am still angry over tonight's incident...

OK, so we had to go pick up the car from Mazda today and Carl had to bring Chad to football practice which left me with going to walmart to get a few things we need for the boys to have dinner when they get back (Since my pulled pork didn't work out because Walmart sucks but that is besides the point.....)

So after all was said and done, it was late. Like 730. I knew Will had to eat and get put down so I figured why not go get him a happy meal at McDonald's right? (Yes, that is the bad mom part... I got my 2 year old McDonalds). Well I ordered and got up to the window. Waited 10 freeking minutes (not exaggerating.. I am serious... 10 minutes) and then he hands me a bag with a chicken sandwich in it.... Told her politely that I just ordered a chicken nugget happy meal. She looked a me like I had 10 heads. I held my arm out trying to get her to take the bag. She asked again "Whats wrong" and I told her again, "I ordered a chicken nugget happy meal." She took the bag then I waited another 5 minutes and she comes back and tells me I have to pull around to the front.... REALLY??? I had to wait for the chicken nuggets. When I asked how long it would be she said 7 minutes....

Yep, I got angry. Asked for my money back. The girl said please pull around front and we'll bring the food out. No, I want my money back please.. she said "well bring your food in 7 minutes"..

HELLO STUPID LADY.... I WANT MY MONEY BACK!!!!! (no, I did not call her a stupid lady out loud)

I pulled around front and went in. The lady at that register goes "your food is right here". NO I WANT MY MONEY BACK NOW PLEASE... We went back and forth a few times on the matter. I did not care that my food was right there. It was the principal of the matter.

30 minutes after pulling into the drive through, I got my money back... Seriously..

Guess I shouldn't be feeding my kid McDonald's huh? On my way out, I said "We will go get chocolate milk and french fries at Wendys, Will" and he smiled big! The guy who was waiting for his food (Who looked aggravated by the way) said "Maybe I should go with you"... LoL

I am so mad though.... really... 30 plus minutes... that is nuts!

Vent over..

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Day 5 ~ An item on my bucket list...

Day 5 of the 30 days of truth wants to talk about "Something I want to do in my life".

That question kind of makes me think of the Bucket List. I love that movie. So much that I've seen it a bazillion times. Every time it is on TV, I watch it. I really should just buy that movie. It really makes you think about the things you'd like to do before you kick the bucket so to speak.

I think I actually blogged about my bucket list at one time or another but I am to lazy to go find it now. Maybe later I will look and see.

I guess one of the most important things I want to do in my life is watch my children grow into well respected men. I want to watch them become Doctors, Lawyers, Marines, Construction men, whatever it is that makes them happy, so long as they are respected in what they do. I'd like to think I am raising them to be very polite boys and I hope that turns into something more as they get older. If they are well respected, then I will know I did something right as their Mom.

Now that that is out... something fun I'd like to do in my life is sit on the beaches of Turks and Caicos... Whose with me? :-)

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Day 4 ~ To forgive and forget? maybe

Day 4 of the 30 day truth talks about someone we need to forgive.

This is an easy one. Kind of. My father left my mother when we were really young. I don't remember much of him. My mother never talked bad of him (which I am happy for, but I don't know if I could keep quiet if it were my husband that just up and left my family) but ever since I can remember, I was so angry at him. Angry because of not having a steady male role model in my life. It's hard to not have that. I think had he been around, that my life may have turned out differently. But who knows. One will never know and I am finally OK with that.

Now, you are probably wondering why I need to forgive him for leaving us? I mean, he was gone for 26ish years. Why would I even think about forgiving him? Honestly, I don't know. Maybe it is because I need to learn to let things go a little.

My fathers sister got in contact with me a little over a year ago. The joys of the internet and facebook right? I have not heard from any of my fathers siblings at all. His father used to write my mother letters when we were kids, but he wasn't around either for reasons I am not comfortable disclosing here. I never met him, but I read all the letters he would write for years and years. Anyways, back to my Fathers Sister. She sent me this message on FB. Telling me ALL about my life. Who my mom was, who my brother was. My Aunt and Uncles name, etc. Then at the end, she said " I apologize if this is the wrong Jessica Maiden Name, but I just don't want you to think I am crazy if I am correct in assuming this is you".

WOW. My world stopped for a minute. I did not have my husband to talk to. He was in Phoenix. My mother had passed away a few years earlier. So I called the next closest thing to her, My Aunt Vicki. I was dumb founded. Didn't know if I should write back or not. I decided, hey... what do I have to lose. If she is psycho, I can block her. We went back and forth for about 2 weeks. She was answering my questions about why they weren't around and why my father did not message me himself. Then...... a note from him...

Yep, it's been weird. I have not received all the answers I want out of him. Not even close. But we've been talking. Well, chatting on FB IM. That way when I get annoyed or frustrated, I can just log off and forget about him until I am ready to deal with it again. He wants us to be family. Wants for me to let my children meet him (Keep dreaming old man). He has apologized but I just have a hard time accepting it. I think I need to forgive him, but I don't think I'll ever forget what he did to us when we were little. I guess only time will tell.

At my breaking point...

What to do when you have a teenager who feels entitled?

Yep, I've written about this before. Back on day 1 or day 2 of school starting. The hard time I am getting with homework. UGH! It makes me want to pull every last hair out of my head.

He has an agenda book. He is supposed to write down assignments. When stuff is due, what he's supposed to be doing, etc etc etc. Do you think he uses it? No! Do you think he goes out of his way to tell me he has to do something, NO!

He plays Pop Warner football. The rule of Pop Warner is no pass, no play. That rule is totally fine by me. It would go the same if he were to play sports in school. He worked his butt off last year in order to make the C's or better I told him he needed in order to play. Now, this year it has gone all out the window. He's failing not one, but two classes. I've spoken with the two teachers and there really is not a whole lot he can do to get those grades up other then to pass in current assignments on time and done well. Yeah, right.... It's just like the saying goes.. you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

He's in 8th grade, so making his teachers sign his agenda book that he wrote everything down is out the window. I had a struggle with his 7th grade teachers last year for any help like this. In 8th grade, he's old enough to know better and the teacher should not have to babysit him to make sure he's writing stuff down. Besides that, they wont do it (I've asked). I can watch his grades online, but I don't know if the assignments are classwork or homework (not that it should matter) and the two classes he's failing are with two teachers who update their online gradebook once every 3 weeks or so. So again, its not like I can catch it and have him do it. I don't see it so I don't know. UGH!!

So now, we have to pull him out of football (which on a personal front for him, has been good. His respect towards us has been so much better), and lose all the money we've put into him and his team this year (Which was a LOT). I feel like I am at my breaking point with him and I am not sure what to do. I've tried everything I can think of. I have no problem pulling him from sports in order to better his grades and believe that is the right thing to do, but I think we are going to end up going back to the disrespectful, mouthy 13 year old again! UGH!!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Day 3~ Forgiving myself

Ok, so day three just jumps right into the heavy huh? It wants to know what is something that I need to forgive myself for.

This is truly a hard one for me. Not so much hard as in what I should post about but hard as in emotional. Something I hate myself for every single day. The reason being it really hits home, and makes me realize that time doesn't last forever and you never know when you are going to lose someone you love.

My mother passed away on July 16th, 2005. As an adult, I was never really close to her. In fact, if you go read this post here, you'll have some of that explained to you. She lived the kind of life style that I just did not want for my children. She liked to drink. A lot. We grew up watching this as kids and I just did not want my boys around that kind of thing.

I would only go see her for an hour or so at a time. As soon as she would start drinking, I would say I had plans to do something and we would leave. My Mom knew my oldest son, but she never got to know Kaleb or Christian. She had passed away before William was born so she never even met him.

I really hate myself for taking the only chance the boys would get to know her, away from them (and her). I hate that because I had a few issues with her that I took away their chances of getting to know each other. Because I was selfish my Mom had probably only seen the younger two a handful of times, for only few hours. Really... I mean, was my judgement of her so awful that I couldn't even deal for just a little while longer?

So every single day, I try to forgive myself for being so selfish. I NEED to learn how to just let some things go. Even though people live different life styles then myself, I need to know that it is OK for my boys to get to know them as long as I am stable enough to keep them out of danger. Each day, I get a little bit closer to forgiving myself for keeping them from her. Really, I do. I just wish I would have realized this before she passed away.

Now I ask you, is there anything you need to forgive yourself for?

Friday, September 3, 2010

Not that my head is big or anything...

Something you love about yourself.
i love myself Pictures, Images and Photos

That is day 2's question of the 30 days of truth challenge. Now, because I just told you that I don't have a big head, I will keep my list to under 100 things I love about myself, haha!

I love that I am a great friend to those I really care about. I would give the shirt off my back, or the last 5$ that I have to any of my friends. My friends mean the world to me and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them.

I also love how good of a Mom I think I am (Does this make me sound bad??). We all have our own parenting styles and I am fine with that, but when I receive compliments at a restaurant about how well behaved all four of my boys are, by complete strangers, it makes me smile.

I also love how well I can accept change in my life. I am very open to all ideas and am willing to look at all sides of the issue (no matter what it might be).

and the last thing I love about myself is how confident I am in the decisions I make! How many people can say that about themselves?

What about you, what do you love about yourself?

Thursday, September 2, 2010

30 days of truth, Day 1

So I've seen this 30 days of truth blog challenge mentioned a few times in the last day or two. I decided to google this and find out what it was all about. I am still working on finding who originated it, but for now I've found this link on a blog called Angel Believes. Here are all 30 days worth of questions, and each day you pick the next one in line and answer it.

I've decided to join in the fun. I am hoping that this will help me to look inside myself a little bit more. I know there is a lot in my life that I have to evaluate and maybe this will help me out some.

Day 1
~Something that you hate about yourself
Yikes! What a way to start the challenge huh? Well, the biggest thing I hate about myself is how impatient I can be. It's like a sickness. I hate waiting. For anything. You should have seen me when I was TTC and I wanted to POAS so so so bad. This wasn't with Will, but with Christian. I waited and waited. Counting down the minutes and seconds. I even peed a few times just to see if maybe I could find out a lot sooner, haha!

I also hate how anti social I am. Don't get me wrong, I love going out with my friends and having my friends here, but when it comes to making new friends and going to gatherings where I don't know anyone, I am all set with that. It's a hard process for me to make a ton of friends. That being said, I LOVE that I can count my really close friends on one hand (OK, maybe 2). I don't like being "that friend" who is friends with people just to say I have a lot of friends. If I can't tell you all about me and my life, then I probably wont consider you a real friend. Maybe that is a bad thing, I don't know.

There are more things that I hate, but those are the biggest two. I guess I don't have much complain about if that is it huh?