Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Truthful Tuesday ~ Can I get a do-over please?

So today is Tuesday. I am thinking that this will only be my first blog of the day. Not only is it Post it note Tuesday, but it is also Truthful Tuesday. I stumbled upon Truthful Tuesday while reading Court's blog. This seems like it could be fun. So why the eff not right?

Confessions from a Working Mom

So this week, working mom wants to know: If you could do over any one scene in your life, what would it be and why???

Well, I guess I thought about if I should pick an open-mouth-insert-foot kind of moment, or a oh-my-gosh-im-so-in-love moment but then I decided to go back to something that is very sad to me. I will spare everyone the details but this is the only day that I would chose to do over if I had a chance... Bring on the tissues..

**WARNING** Very sad and a few swear words are below

July 15th, 2005. The day will be forever etched into my brain. It was my brother's 23rd birthday. His girlfriend at the time got him the coolest gift ever. She had him all set up to go sky-diving. I took the day off from work and went to Sky Dive New England with him. I brought all my boys with me (there were only 3 at that time). My mom was so upset that she couldn't be there, but she was the only one working because her idiot husband would not get off his butt to do anything to help bring in money.. but that is besides the point. My Mom was so nervous about the whole thing. I was on the cell phone with her the whole time that my brother was up in the air and falling out of the sky. I could hear the tears in her voice. Afraid that her only son might not make it to the ground alive, even though she knew he would... My brother did great!

After the skydiving was over, we all headed to my Aunts house for a birthday party for my brother. Everyone that my Mom loved was there. My cousins, my Aunt and Uncle, her Brother (a man I refuse to call my "uncle" but that is also besides the point) and friends. It was most certainly going to turn into a drinking party so I only stayed for a few hours and then left with my boys. I don't feel comfortable with them around a lot of drunk people. So I decided to go back to my mothers house for the night. Everyone gave me and the boys hugs and kisses and then of we went. I would see my Mom in the morning, or so I thought....

The next morning, I was on the phone with Carl and I get the most annoying beep in the world. I didn't answer it at first. I was talking to my boyfriend. The boys were relaxing watching Cartoons and we were all waiting for my Mom to come back. I knew she spent the night at my Aunts because she refused to drive after she had been drinking. Well, soon after the first call waiting kicked in, another one came. I decided to answer it. I hear a hysterical man on the other side of the phone. At first I thought it was a prank call, and then I thought maybe it was my "uncle" calling. The only thing I could get out of the call was "Mom's dead".

I just laughed at first and said "yeah right, that is not funny". Then I heard it again... "I'm not kidding, Mom's dead".

At this point, I thought it was my "uncle" again talking about my evil "step-grandmother". So I said "What?????"

"Our F*CK!NG Mother is DEAD JESSICA" is what I heard my brother scream. My Aunt grabbed the phone from him and was crying.

"Jessica, get Eddy and get over here... Your Mom passed away this morning".

Yep, my heart sank. I could not believe what I had just heard. How could my Mother be dead? She was ONLY 44 years old. That is it.. She had 3 amazing grandchildren who she hardly knew. They were so young... She's gone???

I'll spare everyone the details and leave it as she had a massive heart attack in her sleep. It was the saddest day of my entire life.

So now I'll get to the do-over part. I would have spent even more time at my Aunts house on July 15th. I would have let lose a little bit and not been so uptight about the boys being around people who are drinking. The party was outdoors after all. They could have run around and played and I could have spent more time with my Mom. The boys could have spent more time with their grandmother. While I am happy that my Mom got to see everyone she truly loved and cared about the night before she passed away, I wish I would have had a little more time with her... I'll never get that back, but it reminds me to live my life to the fullest and not let the little thins stop me from spending more time with family/friends...

So now it is your turn... If you could get a do-over.. what part of your life would you change???


  1. Oh my gosh, girl, you were right to give us a disclaimer to grab the tissues. I am so sorry for your loss, I hardly know what to say. I am sure your mom knows exactly how you feel, and wouldn't want you to have any regrets.

    Confessions From A Working Mom

  2. definitely need tissues for that one. im sorry jess (((HUGS)))