Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Worn Out

Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel so worn out? I mean both mentally and physically. Starting with the physically, I've been watching a little girl for about a month now. When I started this job, I figured hey... how hard can it be to watch my 9 month old and then my 19 month old? Really? Could it really be that hard?

The answer is YES! It is that hard. The first few days she was here were easy. She was getting used to me, she talked and sat up and rolled all around and was all smiles. Get into week 3 and 4 and I'm ready to send her back. I don't know if it is teething or separation anxiety or what, but whenever I leave the room, she screams. And I am talking like she's in the floor on the living room and I walk behind the couch (where she can still see me) and she freaks out. Like tears in the eyes, she's been stabbed with 100 knives screaming. Seriously girl... I'm RIGHT HERE!!

She doesn't cry when her Dad leaves. She leaves it for about 30 minutes after that. And it goes on and on The only time she is not whining or crying is when she is eating or napping. I feel so bad for poor William. He is getting the crap end of the deal. I barely have the time to change him or even give him a hug because she FREAKS THE EFF OUT! I mentioned this to her Dad (and Mom via email) and got nowhere. "Oh, she must have separation anxiety", or "Oh, she does that at home and we let her cry - we don't want to spoil her". I've tried to let her cry.. It isn't easy because it is not my child. I feel bad. Almost like there is probably a nanny cam in her diaper bag and if I let her cry for to long, they are going to think I am a horrible sitter... At the end of the day when she leaves (at 5:00) I am ready to pass out. I feel like I just worked a 12 hour shift on a factory floor. So I don't know what is going to go on with that. I guess I'll keep everyone updated.

Now for the mental side of it; I just feel like I don't fit in anywhere really. I have a few really good friends that I love to pieces but then there are people who I "thought" were friends and the more I look at things, the more I realize they have never been friends to begin with. It seems that everyone is out for number 1. I'll be two-faced to you and smile and pretend that I like you, but when someone comes along with a better toy then you, I'm off...

It's lame! Right? I think it's lame. I am so sick and tired of the two-faced BS that is going on everywhere. I guess it is time to think about my life again and try to figure out who my friends are and who my "not so friends" are, and then learn not to trust everyone that comes along. I know, it sounds like I am a Debbie downer here, but I'm pushing the big 20-10 and it's time to figure out what is real and what is not real. Any advice on how to do this?

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